In the first chapter Leading From Any Chair, I couldn’t help think about my mother. She works in a school as the secretary to the principal. The principal received an email last week that a report needed to be ran. He never told my mother or the person that was supposed to run the report, but my mom found out from another school. When she brought it up that he may have missed an email, he said he never received it. A few hours later, after going back to him again, he forwarded the email and said he had just gotten it (which we all know, emails are time stamped). Instead of admitting his own mistake, he, like the conductors, tried to let it slide and hoped no one noticed.
The mere act of kindness and acknowledging that other people help you do a job is severely under-used. If you give ANY kind of praise to people who are helping you, or even say thank you to them, it brings up esteem and also encourages people to continue to work hard for you. I guess we could all work on this in different ways. I personally could work on always encouraging my students in ways that they are doing well. I can be sarcastic, which doesn’t work well with all of my students.
The next Chapter, the Rule number 6, took a more person attack on a way I’ve been feeling for a week now. I was very betrayed by someone I thought I could trust. A friend of mine told another friend of mine something very personal, and very atomic. I knew that the word had spread, and I wasn’t sure of where it had started. I found out and instead of confronting the issue, I recoiled and hid from everyone. Here, I need to follow Rule number 6, and stop taking myself so seriously. People talk, and say things that aren’t theirs to say, and sometimes there are things that get said that we don’t want said. It’s a part of human nature, and if I really didn’t want anyone to know, I wouldn’t have said it in the first place. I’m still hurt, but I’m letting it go in my own time.
The Way Things Are…I’ve always tried to see the cloud with a silver lining, and look on the bright side of things. A much easier said than done thing to accomplish. I’m one of those people, once I start feeling negative, everything that’s negative seems to find me. I’m sure that has everything to do with the way I am looking at things, rather than the world being out to get me. If we can laugh and play with the bad things that happen to us, a much more light hearted attitude would be had by everyone around us!
I would love to give way to passion more. Sometimes we are so stuck in living life day to day we forget to give in to the natural flow of life an energy. I try to recognize the energy around me, but I’ll be honest…the only real times I feel a surge of energy run through me are when I’m by the ocean watching the waves, or listening to music and painting. Then I can truly let passion run through me and I feel at one with everything around me.
I am very sorry for your mom, as I know it makes for a difficult situation. Our principal tends to do the same thing whereas I don’t seem to have a problem with admitting when I am wrong. Maybe it’s because I’ve had so much practice with it!
ReplyDeleteMaking it through the hard times definitely makes us stronger. Also, we tend to learn whom we can trust and whom we can’t. That can surely be a valuable lesson and I am always amazed at whom I thought I could trust and whom I can actually trust. It is what it is!
It’s interesting that you chose to write from the perspective of the other chair. Few did. They wrote as themselves as leaders and how they are encouraging or how they could encourage others to lead. I looked at it from both sides. And the question remains… how does one encourage those who lead to allow others to do so?
ReplyDeleteYour Rule # 6 story reminded me of a scene from the movie Doubt. A woman confesses that she has gossiped. Expecting a litany of prayers as penance, she was surprised when the priest old her to go to the rooftop with her feather pillow and let the feathers fly. Once this was accomplished, she was to return to the priest.
The next day she met with the priest again. He asked her what happened. She said she saw a flurry of feathers, but nothing happened. He said, “Good. Now go and pick them all up.”
“Father, I couldn’t possibly find all of them, they’re everywhere!”, she responded.
“And that, my dear, is gossip.”
It’s paraphrased, of course – but it’s how I remember it. The image is a powerful one. If more people had that image, perhaps they would be less inclined to tell another’s story. People who tell another’s story have no emotional connection to the information. I tell my students to tell the story as if it were about them. They readily admit they would tell fewer stories.
I agree in concept with your last two paragraphs – I can recognize being in my “calculating self”, but getting out is a long and arduous road. The journey begins with just one step.
Meghan,
ReplyDeleteYou always speak with so much honesty and truth. You have shared in your post some difficult situations that we can all recognize. It is likely that we have all encountered similar problems in our work lives.
I find that the most difficult situations at school arise from mis-communications, lack of communication, and lack of vision and leadership. The problem with not having good leadership from administration, is that many others will try to step into position and make decisions that aren't theirs to make. This causes feelings of frustration, mistrust, and even fear amongst the staff. Everyone wonders why "so and so" is calling the shots, and not the principal.
Lack of communication is a problem with the adults at school and the students. Parents also come into play in many situations. Routine notices and monthly newsletters can go a long way in alleviating many communications issues. Finally, mis-communications often happen through the rumor mill. We can all help to end rumors and model clear communications in the way we handle difficult situations at school. Thanks for your post.
Meghan, I do enjoy reading your posts, as they have so much insight to them. As art teachers, we do have the passion that other teachers in core areas may lack. The key is remembering why we like doing it so much. I like you have withdrawn into myself at work due to some volatile situations between those in the Principal’s favor, who text him anytime we breathe wrong (and occasionally press false charges), and those who are here to teach the more challenging students. Just remember that if all teachers had the passion for the subject matter that most fine arts teachers have, education might be in a better place.
ReplyDeleteMeghan – Your mother must be a very patient and on-top-of-things kind of person. I guess the principal was afraid of losing face. He was thinking with that survival mentality the Zanders speak of. I agree with you about taking the opportunity to praise students. I have to remind myself about that. I naturally praise them when they complete a task well, but sometimes I think I miss out on opportunities to boost their spirits.
ReplyDeleteHave you taken the time to talk to the person who broke your confidence? I am glad you are allowing the negative emotions this caused you to help stretch you emotional muscles. Still, once you’ve reached a place of being able to see things as they are, will moving on just mean letting it go? Or would you be able to have a quiet, sincere conversation with the person in question? Interesting insight, that if you didn’t want anyone to know you would have said it in the first place. I’m sure that when people share a confidence, it doesn’t mean they really want it to become public.
What would you say your passion is? You spoke of the waves and the ocean (which sounded very nice), of music and painting. If you could spend your life doing something that fills you with passion, what would it be?
My first passion is the theater – especially the tech side. I loved running the lights when I was in college. But I have to say, filmmaking and animation are now a passion for me, as well. I really just came to realize that this year.
Meghan, I really enjoyed reading your reflections on chapters 5-8. First, that story about your mom really touched me. I am close with the principal’s secretary at our school, and I can imagine just how the situation went down. I think it is such a shame that some people are not in a place in their lives where they feel comfortable enough with themselves that they can admit mistakes. Why do some feel that they are so much better than others that they can assume perfection? So what if you mess up and were adamant that you were right….admit it and make a joke of it! My dad and I always say begrudgingly, “you were right and I was wrooooongg, what do I owe ‘ya”? You are so right that just the simple act of acknowledging that someone has helped you is huge: they feel empowered, appreciated, and like they have purpose. I feel so wonderful when a student takes the time to thank me for something I helped them with. It makes all the other trials and tribulations worth it.
ReplyDeleteI’m so sorry that the application of rule #6 was needed for you in that way recently. How shocked and hurt you must have felt when your friend broke the bond of trust. I have been in similar situations, and know that the first reaction is to give up on the friendship out of spite and anger. And although it may seem harder at first, I think that applying rule #6 is actually easier, and more rewarding, than that alternative. I try to imagine when I’ve done something that needs forgiveness, and “let it ride”. Usually, not blowing up when you first react is the right thing to do!
That is great that you go for the silver lining in things, but I know its hard at times to get beyond superficial judgments, or grouping small negatives into one big negative. I too, need to watch the sarcasm use in my classroom. I remember my education professor in undergrad saying to NEVER use it…but sometimes I think it wakes the kids up and builds rapport. I don’t want to hurt any feelings though, or use it with someone who isn’t ready for it.
I hope we get to embrace our passions more frequently when we get a little more time after this program, Meghan! I agree that painting, music, or just being somewhere beautiful really helps…
Meghan,
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately things like what happened to your mom happen way too often by those who only care about looking out for themselves.
I hope that you are able to keep the positive outlook that you have started about the application of rule #6. While you will surely be hurt for some time by your friend betraying you, hopefully things will work themselves out for you and your friend.
I hope that you will find some of the energy you described to start flowing through you as you work with your students.